Goodbye

i know.

i know i’m not everything

you wanted me to be.

you remind me of that

every day.

but i never would have been,

even if i tried.

i tried too hard for a long time.

it didn’t end well for me.

and now…

now i need to choose myself.

i dealt with more

behind closed doors and fake smiles

than you’ll ever know.

you knew a bit,

towards the end.

i got too tired

to put on an act

for you anymore.

you need to hear

some hard truths

about me,

but more importantly,

about yourself.

you made me feel weak,

and selfish,

and unlovable,

and bad.

i was none of those things.

and don’t you dare

try to pin the blame

on anyone else

like you always do.

are you happy

to know you won?

all the fights we got into

over the stupidest things

are resolved now.

congratulations.

you win.

are you also happy

to know it was your words and actions

that helped to lead me

to this decision?

i thought i could tell myself

your opinions didn’t matter to me,

but i guess i can’t anymore.

am i really “painting a false picture”

when I say you hurt me?

you’ve hurt me more

than i’ve ever been hurt

by anyone.

physically.

emotionally.

mentally.

psychologically.

every day,

i hear your words in my head,

telling me no one wants me,

that i’m hated,

that i’m stupid,

and so many other things.

don’t you ever stop to think

about the damage

your words do?

such things spoken,

even in anger,

are not easily forgotten.

i know.

i know

you’ll probably even be angry at this.

how dare i?

how dare i tell you the truth?

but i don’t care.

all i ask

is that you think

before you act.

don’t treat others

as you have treated me.

i don’t forgive you.

live with that,

as i have had to live with your words.

i don’t forgive you.

but even as I write this,

something in me

holds me back

from telling you i hate you.

i don’t hate you.

i love you.

but i don’t like you.

you made sure of that.

i’m sorry.

let me be clear:

i’m not asking

for your forgiveness.

but i am sorry.

i’m sorry that i was such a “burden” to you.

thank you for making the sacrifices

you never stopped talking about.

goodbye.